Goodbye 2013, Hello Blogosphere!

Interestingly enough, 2013 was a clusterfuck of the best and worst year of my life all slapped into one. When the ball dropped last January, I had just told a boy I liked to leave me alone because his attention made me anxious (we'll talk more about that later), my grand New Year's kiss was strictly cheek action, and I was spiraling into a bout of depression. This gloom-n-doom lasted for roughly six months, during which time I became someone completely unrecognizable to my present self. Without divulging too much personal information that will get me in trouble with my peers, I became so depressed because I placed my trust in the wrong people and as a result was left feeling all alone. So do I have some weird trust and self-esteem issues now? You bet. But the good news is since I graduated from high school I've made amazing life changes and as a result have the best friends and family anyone could ask for. Also luckily for me I specialize in self-deprecating humor, so the emotional scars left over just add to my comedic schtick.

Anyway, enough about Little Miss Miserable, aka Lauren Sauer from 8 months ago, let's talk about how awesome things are now. I'm currently studying at James Madison University, a beautiful campus filled with beautiful people tucked between beautiful mountains.* There I'm studying English and Secondary Education, because when I was about 14 I realized I wanted to write books but when I was 17 my parents told me if I didn't create a shelf life for myself I would regret it later in life. So the plan is to be a world famous writer fucking hoes on the daily**, but also I could teach teenagers about commas and feel fulfilled. That's where this blog comes in: until one of these foreseeable future lives comes to fruition, I'd like to be creative and keep alive my passion for writing.

So what can you hope to find here? My analysis on all life has to offer the average 18-year-old white girl. I hope you like Top 40 music, liquid eyeliner, and feminist rants, because those are my areas of expertise. The goal is to post almost every day, but also the goal is to not feel too irreversibly bound to anything. I titled this blog "I Wrote This in Starbucks" because I feel like following that guideline is an easy way to make sure I'm writing as often as I can: I go to Starbucks just about every day, so why not multitask while I'm refueling?

Also one final note: just in case this blog becomes viral and I become internet famous as "that girl that blogs in Starbucks", resulting in the influx of coffee-themed gifts and mementos to my currently non-existent PO Box, I will always accept Starbz gift cards or a grande nonfat vanilla iced coffee.

See you soon!

*Can you believe they denied my application to be a tour guide? I'm selling the shit out of this place.
**By "fucking hoes" I mean "feeding my cats", which is not any sort of innuendo for anything vaginal. I literally mean feeding my cats because we all know I'm a cat-lady waiting to happen


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