Wednesday, February 19, 2014

An Open Letter To My Thighs

Dear Thighs 1 and 2,
How are you? If I had to guess you're probably a little sore and angry at me because I've been participating in the 30-Day Squat Challenge, meaning you two have had to back it up more than you're used to. But I promise it's for the best, guys; soon you'll be even stronger than you already are. Not to mention your friend, my Butt, will be much cuter. I know that's not really your territory, but I thought you might want to know.

Anyway, I'm writing you in part to apologize for the way I've treated you in the past. I also want to praise you two, but since I'm a "bad news first" kind of person, we'll start with the apologies. Thighs, I'm sorry for talking so much shit about you over the years. I know calling you "fucking tree trunks" and "cow thighs" was uncalled for; sometimes I neglect your feelings. I'm also sorry for getting mad at you every time I wear shorts or dresses. I sometimes forget that from my downcast angle you appear to be larger than you actually are, and I mistake your slight wobbling and jiggling for waves of tidal proportions. I need to be more mindful of how big you two actually are and acknowledge your strengths. You get me around campus every day and you work really hard at the gym. I promise to make a more conscious effort to praise your assets more often.

Speaking of praise, I really do love you guys. Sometimes we have bad days and all I can think about is how I want you to be slimmer, but I really should put things into perspective. Keep me accountable for the way I talk to you guys, okay? Because while I used to be obsessed with your larger-than-average size, I've recently learned that that's just how my body is shaped. Y'all will always be a little bigger, so instead of trying to whittle you down to sticks, I vow to instead focus on making sure you're as strong as possible. And yes, that means more squats and lunges, but I promise you're going to thank me in the long run. After all, better sore than sorry. Also, I'd just like to commend you for your traditional values. No one adheres to the morals of the buddy system like you two do. It seems like most people would rather be fiercely independent, but you guys sure know how to stick together. You guys are best friends and it seems as though you rarely want to leave each other's side. And while that used to bother me, who wants a thigh gap anyway and since when is everyone so obsessed with having one? Your love for one another is more inspiring than any "fitspo" picture will ever be.

And finally, Thighs 1 and 2, before I go I'd just to thank you for being able to support that friend I mentioned earlier: My booty. Like the two of you, it's a little bigger than average, and you do a really beautiful job of making sure it always feel supported.

Keep doing what you're doing,
Lauren

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