This is Summer

When I was a little girl, I used to count down the days until summer vacation officially started. I would cross the days off on a calendar, daydreaming about days spent at the pool and sleepaway camp. The heat was invigorating and I could eat pizza in a bathing suit without worrying about my body. Now? Not quite. This is Summer 2014.

Wake up. Alarm clock, because even if there are no plans for the day I detest wasting an entire morning in bed. Go to the gym if I'm feeling ambitious, only to find when I get in the car that my gas tank is running on empty. Fuck, again? I definitely bought gas last week. Where do I even go? I think to myself, begrudgingly driving to the God forsaken gas station only to spend 50 dollars I don't have. In the time it takes to get to there, I realize I've used all my gas driving to Target and Starbucks, where I have fallen into the habit of spending more money I don't have. As the car is filling up and I see my savings account draining right before my eyes, I count down the days until my next paycheck. The conclusion I come to is, as always, "not soon enough".

Arrive at the gym and use one of three ellipticals that actually works properly. As usual, all the other gym patrons are senior citizens. I turn up the Iggy Azalea song on my iPhone so the sound of my heaving breath is drowned out instead by the sound of Top 40 pseudo-rap. Move to the weight room and spot a cute boy doing reverse crunches. Of course receiving any sort of male attention in my current sweaty state is a joke (receiving male attention in any capacity is a joke, actually) so I sigh, pick up a kettle bell and squat in a corner. Squat until my ass is sore then lift more heavy things and feel my muscles turn to jelly. Leave the gym to get a cup of coffee. Much to the dismay of both my bank account and sleep schedule, this is only the first cup of coffee of the day; if it's an average weekday there's at least two more cups where that came from.

Return home to shower. Dry off and apply makeup. Put on a cute outfit. At this point, canoodle with the soccer moms and elders at the grocery store or Pier 1, because if you didn't already get that impression, I'm a granny at heart. Start to realize that maybe the makeup and cute outfit has been wasted on present company, so maybe make plans with friends. In the process, see friends from college publicly missing each other on Twitter. Sigh and wish someone missed me like that, then remind myself that "of course people miss me, just not on social media. Friendship is a two-way street. Text your school friends"; of course I will soon thereafter neglect to text my school friends yet somehow have the audacity to sulk in loneliness. Make and execute plans with friends from home and actually have a nice time. Come home late and get in a fight with my mom because "why the fuck should I still have a curfew, anyway?" She says we'll discuss later, but we never do. We just wait until the next time I stay out late then fight about it again.

Go to bed musing about how much fun I had with friends, promising myself to make plans and go out more often. Spend the next week in solitude doing the exact opposite.

This is Summer 2014.*


*so for those wondering, "what has Lauren been up to since school got out?!" here's your answer. I've been waiting for school to be back in session, basically.

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