BEDA Days 18 and 19: Being a Real College Girl

Oops, I did it again. I forgot to blog yesterday. I promise it won't happen again, and we're gonna finish BEDA strong--forgive me for my negligence.

Here's the thing though: I didn't blog solely because I was out living the life of a Real College Girl. I hung out with friends and met new people and wore red lipstick...I was actually social for once! Crazy I know--it doesn't happen too often. A lot of that has to do with my job, which requires me to work on most weekends, and also because of my anxiety. I'm a little ball of nerves all the time, seemingly always fretting about something ultimately insignificant. It should come as no surprise, then, that going out and leaving the comfort zone of my room can sometimes be daunting. And I know a lot of you don't understand that; a lot of you are much more extroverted than I am and can't resist social interaction. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm not antisocial and super weird, (well...that's up for debate actually) I'm just not at all bothered by my own company. I like being alone or with a small group, just chilling out to wind down from a hard week. I still love hanging out with people, and sometimes I definitely get lonely when I've been by myself for too long, but I dunno man, I've just always been a little bit of a lone wolf. Probably has to do with me being an only child.

But here's the point: I had a jam-packed, social weekend and I had fun. I broke out of my comfort zone and went along for the ride, and it ended up not being so bad after all. I'm definitely never going to be the girl who goes out every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, but I'm also not the girl who necessarily needs to stay in and have a Netflix marathon every night. That's a good reminder. That's why, even though it's scary, you need to break out of your comfort zone every once in a while. Because here's the thing about anxiety, or at least how my anxiety manifests: I get nervous doing things when they reside in the unknown. I talk myself out of social situations because I don't know what to expect. Therefore the more I put myself out there, the more experience I have to draw from to convince myself that the outside world isn't always super scary. That's a nice reminder to keep in my back pocket.

So overall, here's the deal: anxiety sucks and can sometimes be crippling, but you can't use it as a crutch. Sometimes panic sets in and it's too hard to put yourself out there, but the more often you say "yes," the less daunting new things will seem. Also just a gentle reminder that there's nothing wrong with staying in and hanging out with yourself on occasion; in fact, sometimes riding solo can be refreshing and fun. You just need to find that balance of both worlds that makes you feel fulfilled and content, ya get what I'm sayin? Alright, I'll leave you with that.



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