Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Things I've Learned, Writer's Block, Procrastinating

Just a tip: you can tell it's been way too long since you've blogged when multiple friends point out your own absence in casual conversation.

"You haven't blogged in a while."

"Your followers are gonna think you died."

"I don't want to be pushy, but it's been almost three months since you posted."

Okay, okay, guilty as charged. Do you want to hear my excuse, or should I just move on? Unfortunately the writing process isn't super interactive, so there's not really a way for me to take a poll. So you'll get my excuses...as always. Basically, it's not that I haven't been writing, it's that I've been writing so much. My two minor classes are writing-intensive (shocker, creative writing classes involve lots of writing), plus writing for HerCampus, and now a new staff writing internship I just accepted with TheFitnessU. So if you think about my creative energy as a non-renewable resource, I've been divvying it out more than ever. This leaves me scraping the bottom of the barrel, which isn't enough to compose an entire blog post. But today I'm feeling inspired. I'm also hardcore procrastinating on an essay due tomorrow.

In the nearly three months (!!!) since I've been gone, a lot has happened. But I'm also chronically forgetful, and I know if I attempt a long-form recount of my fall semester, I'll neglect something important or get wrapped up in minute details. I've also been reading a lot of Buzzfeed lately, so my tendency right now is toward lists. So here's a list. A list of things I've learned as of late.

I've Learned...

1) Being twenty is very different from being eighteen. It's better. You have a drink of choice and prefer to drink it in the company of just close friends. Nights spent watching movies with people you love are often more fun than crowded parties.

2) When you do go out, you'll often come home before 12:30 when you and your best friend get tired of faking smiles. Being content in your social life is both freeing and grounding in ways you never would've imagined in your dorm room.

3) Being a grown up has its ups and downs. Sometimes apartment living and grocery shopping is empowering and validates your suspicions that you might just be capable of accomplishing things on your own. Other times, you're sitting on the floor sobbing into the phone while your mom tries to talk you down through the receiver. Sometimes you'll feel both in the same day.

4) Buying off-brand is the best.

5) Two jobs and being a full-time student is hard, but doable. There are days--sometimes weeks--when the alarm doesn't go off and you feel overwhelmed with the sheer density of your workload. But overall, who knew I could be so on top of it? Double paychecks and good grades makes all the sleepless nights worth it.

6) You can't save people. You can't even really interject; you just have to decide you care enough to be supportive and then root yourself in that devotion.

7) That said, you're not a storm cellar--you can't promise an unfaltering structure. Rather, you're a big tree in a flood plain: you are strong and you can stand your ground, but there's always a chance you'll get swept away amidst turmoil. In other words: you can be hurt by someone else's pain, because you're human and you have a tender heart. And it's heartbreaking and it's upsetting, but it's proof that you're capable of loving.

8) I'm finally growing to accept myself. I think--I know--that I'm smart and ambitious. I'm coming to terms with the notion that I'm deserving of love. Objectively I know that, but there are still occasions when I forget.

9) That said, I've learned that I'm not interested in mediocrity. I don't care to waste substantial time on people who are lukewarm. This goes for friends and for romance: I'm not shy about telling you how awesome you are, and that should be reciprocal.

10) If someone has given you nothing but reasons to write them off, why are you still fighting to make room for them?

I know this was short, but it's a start. I hope you all enjoyed catching up. You look great.

x,
Lauren