Saturday, December 12, 2015

Blogmas Day 12: Being alone versus being lonely

Good evening, friends. It really is evening, yikes. It's almost midnight and I'm not gonna lie, I almost completely forgot to blog today. Sounds about right. Every time I commit to some sort to blog marathon, whether that be BEDA, Blogmas, or something else, I find myself slacking around the two week mark. I'm not sure why that is; by this time I should be really getting into the groove of things. But anyway, tonight I wanted to talk about something that's on my mind right now: being alone versus being lonely. And I'm not quite sure how my thoughts on the matter are going to progress, so I apologize in advance if this is a little bit disjunct and rambly.

So...being alone versus being lonely. I've experienced both plenty of times in my life, as we all have. As an introvert, I do need my "me time" to recharge after a stressful day or a lot of stimulation. Social interaction is sometimes overwhelming for me. For example, if I work an eight hour shift at Ulta, which requires constantly smiling and engaging people in conversation, when I finally get off I just want to go home and hibernate for a little bit. A lot of my friends don't get that: if they work until 10 but there's a party that night, they'll touch up their makeup in the car and turn up right after they clock out. That, to me, is absurd. When I need a recharge, that's when I need to be alone. I crave it; I'll obviously make exceptions, and sometimes I'll have a weird bout of energy that doesn't send me straight to bed, but more often than not I need to be alone for a while in those circumstances. It's not lonely by any means.

But then there are times when I'm alone when all I want to do is be around people or do something exciting. Days when I've been just hanging out with my thoughts for too long and I just want to be around another human. That's, by contrast, lonely. I'm starting to realize that's the difference: choice. If I'm choosing to be alone: yes, great, awesome, I love it! If I'm alone because everyone else is busy or otherwise occupied: the woooooorst. (I hope you read that in your internal Jean Ralphio voice)

And, yes, there are times when I end up alone without a say in the matter, but I end up having a perfectly nice time with me, myself, and I. And tonight, that's where we're at: I'm alone on a Saturday night, supposedly studying, but instead I'm watching Modern Family. My roommates are all out for the evening, and my other plans fell through. I don't really know where I'm at on the alone versus lonely spectrum right now, (I don't really want to be out and about right now, but I have been entertaining myself for most of the day, and I'm getting bored...) but I'm thinking I might take a long, hot shower. That should help me figure out where I stand on the matter, and hopefully I'll like where I find myself. We'll talk tomorrow, friends!

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