Monday, December 7, 2015

Blogmas Day 7: I spent a substantial amount of time taking Facebook surveys

Good afternoon, friends! I'm coming at you earlier than usual, because I'm currently skipping class. I feel oddly guilty skipping, but seriously guys the class I'm missing is kind of a joke. I'm getting much more done on my own time than I would be in lecture. If you can't tell, this is just my thinly veiled attempt to convince myself that skipping isn't the end of the world. It's only kind of working. My forever prevalent need to follow the rules is coming out. I feel more anxious and out of place than I did in middle school, which is saying something. BUT SPEAKING OF MIDDLE SCHOOL (great segue there, self) today we're doing something that is both personally mortifying and hilarious. I uncovered one of the surveys I took back in May of 2009 (that would be the end of eighth grade for those of you keeping track of time) and published in my notes. Guys, there's a lot of them too. And they're still public. I spent a substantial amount of time taking Facebook surveys back in the day. So we're going to copy and paste one of the more mortifying surveys here, and I'm both going to answer the questions as a 20 year old woman and comment on my old answers from back in the day. I did this once on my old blog, which I kept in my early high school days and is now deleted. Honestly I wish I could read those old posts and comment on those, but they're lost in the void of the Internet forever. All we have are my old Facebook antics. So without further adieu, let's begin...all of my responses from 2009 will be in black text, and my current responses will be in red.

100 Things You Might Not Know About Me...or we just make fun of it :)

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
Hit my forehead on the corner of the counter
That's true! That happened in third grade and resulted in an awkward bloody gash and sporting an awkward Band-Aid between my eyebrows for a week.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
NEW GREEN PAINT!
That's really precious, actually. I remember wanting bright green walls SO badly in middle school. They've now been painted over in a boring beige color.

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
used to grind my teeth, but not since i got retainers

Shoutout to those retainers; I haven't worn them in years. Sorry that you spent so much money on braces, mom! But re: the question, no. When I sleep I don't move or make any noise.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
country, mainstream, showtunes :)

Ahh yes, this was during my Broadway phase. That's cute. Now the answer is pretty much just pop trash.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
no...(yells upstairs) "MOM, WHAT TIME WAS I BORN?" and she says "DON'T KNOW, I WAS IN PAIN!" so, no idea.

I can verify now that this exchange literally never happened.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
A cookie

Y'know, me from 2009? Me, too.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
Some person who you don't know
Okay...


8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
Bankii and my guitars

I think I was trying to be cute and talk about my blanket that I had gotten, like, two Christmases prior. Also this was when I considered myself a ~*very serious musician~* even though I never learned more than six chords on the guitar.

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
5 feet and 3 and 1/2 inches

That half an inch doe. Since then, I grew 2 and a half inches I guess? I think I'm 5'6''?

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Not really

RT^

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Where am I? The woods=scared. My room=no 

I mean, duh. If you're stranded in the woods after dark you're going to be a little wigged out.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Mom

LOOOOOL OK. Although honestly the answer is probably the same now. Then I'm sure I meant it in a wounded angsty way, but now I probably cried because we talked on the phone and I realized how much I miss her.

13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
Snakes and rollercoasters

Same. So I haven't done a lot of growth in the "face your fears" department.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Depends on all other controdicting physical features

Sweet spelling of "contradicting" there. Also what does that even mean?

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING?
N/A

I said N/A because I was a baby and didn't understand that marriage proposals are constructions of our patriarchal societal and that there is no gender that "has" to propose or be proposed to.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
COFFEE! Skim caramel latte, a touch of vanilla powder

I CAN GUARANTEE I WAS NOT DRINKING COFFEE IN EIGHTH GRADE. Also a skim caramel latte with a touch of vanilla powder sounds gross.

17. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Pepperoni

Eh, or just cheese.

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Swedish fish

I thought you wanted a cookie like 5 questions ago

19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
Lime green!

Hence the walls.

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
The snack that smiles back! 

...k.

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
A painting my grandma made for me of butterflies and a little blue bird

That's cute and true! But also that's a weird question.

22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
Yes I do

No I don't. Wait but that's really cute because when I wrote this I had a crush on this kid in my theatre class and proceeded to irrationally love him for a year.

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
No :(

Apparently not being double jointed was a real bummer for me in '09.

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
Don't have one

That's code for "it's lame to say Aeropostale so I'm just gonna keep that to myself"

25. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE FEMALE/MALE CELEBRITY?
Reese Witherspoon

Okay but why? Is this when I first discovered Sweet Home Alabama? (Probably) 

26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
HOLLIE!

She's almost 10 years old!!

27. WHAT KIND IS IT?
White miniature Schnoodle 

How is she almost 10 years old?!!

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
Not sure

Another odd question

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
98

Sure

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Considering the fact that I have a brain, I enjoy being a brunette

@myself: that's a cute little bit of stereotyping and internalized misogyny. You keep that up.

32. FAVORITE QUOTE?
"Him ha-have a PIG nose!"-Alexis Gosselin
"I'm seeing some melting, and it's not just the crayons"-Kate Gosselin

...so this was my Jon and Kate Plus 8 phase, clearly. Guys, I'm not lying when I say I watched that show every. God. Damn. Day. For those of you who might not know, (bless your soul) Jon and Kate Plus 8 was a docu-series on TLC that followed a trainwreck of a family held together by a loveless marriage and IVF that resulted in a set of twins and a set of sextuplets. I fucking lived for it.

33. FAVORITE PLACE?
Jamestown, Rhode Island

Aww, that's so cute! And true! I love it so much I have its coordinates tattooed on my body!

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
Bahamas?

Apparently geography wasn't my strong suit in 8th grade. Sadly since then I've only been to Mexico, (and stayed in the gated confines of our resort) but this summer I'm going to Ireland to study abroad for five weeks! More on that later.

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Jon and Kate Plus 8, Taylor Lautner shirtless

I'M GOING TO LIGHT MYSELF ON FIRE

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
Umm...oh yeah...there was the...Jonas Brothers?

I met the Jonas Brothers in seventh grade and proceeded to brag about it for the remaining year (before the Jo Bros kind of became irrelevant) 

37. FIRST JOB?
Babysitter

My real first job (one that required setting up direct deposit and having a formal job interview) was being a brand rep at Justice for Girls, aka retail hell.

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Yes

My friends and I loved to call my mom's friends out of her Rolodex (remember those) at the wee hours of the morning during sleepovers.

39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOULMATE?
Yes, somewhere in the world

*wistful sigh*

40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
Watching 'What I Like About You'

That was another show I watched religiously after school, starring Amanda Bynes and Jennie Garth on ABC Family. Genuinely still a show I would watch now.

41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?
No

Since then I've had my wisdom teeth pulled, though that's pretty lame.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
Sense of humor

Which is odd, because I doubt I was that funny in middle school.

43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
Just got them off during spring break

And then proceeded to take 900 selfies with my pink Nikon digital camera and uploaded them to an album on Facebook entitled "no braces && eyeliner." Again @myself: why?

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A puppy

Jfc just the thought of having a puppy now makes me so stressed out. 

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND THEIR NAMES?
Twins (two girls) Lilliana Jeanne and Leah Marie

ACTUALLY NO. On all accounts.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Middle name after great grandma Sauer

That remains to be true.

47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Perverted (pretty much illimates half of the guys at school, huh?)

Ooh, kill 'em. Also note "illimates"

48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKE(D) ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
Not sure yet, I'll let you know next year
Aww, how precious. I guess in retrospect I liked a lot of junior year, especially once I got my driver's license in December.

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
Herbal Essences Hello Hydration 

Now just the scent of Herbal Essences alone makes me gag.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
No

I don't mind it

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Roast Beef

Still true

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Being annoying :)

I mean you're not WRONG...

53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
Sometimes

Yes.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I think so

Not in eighth grade. But now? Yeah I'm rad as hell.

55. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?
NO

AN ALL CAPS NO. I APPARENTLY FELT STRONGLY ABOUT POLICING OTHER PEOPLE'S SEXUALITY AND THE WAYS IN WHICH THEY PERFORMED IT.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Before you really know the person it's how we all judge

Deep.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Write a song or a poem

I physically cannot deal with myself. I thought I was a tortured artist at the ripe old age of thirteen.

58. WOULD YOU RATHER GAIN 58 POUNDS OR LOSE 58 POUNDS.
I'd be creepily underweight but lose

I would've preferred to be 50-something pounds and quite literally die than be 58 pounds heavier. Okay. If anything, that goes to show the pressure young girls are under to fit into a mold that is hella unhealthy.

59. WHAT'S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE?
Become a successful attorney or be on Broadway

Neither of those would end well. I would be an awful attorney and an even worse Broadway star.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
Raggedy Ann doll
I carried my Raggedy Ann doll down the aisle as a flower girl at my Aunt Amie's wedding when I was three. Me and Raggedy Ann were tight.

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
Not sure

Code for "I don't have a lot of friends right now so I don't really want to embarrass myself by giving you an answer"

62.WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?
As a little kid? Wait a sec, when did we all stop liking Barney?

Stop.

63. Do you use sarcasm?
Not really

Same, actually. I went through a super annoying sarcasm phase when I was around 11, and I think when I wrote this I was just growing out of it.

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
Macaroni and cheese
I would fuck up a bowl of macaroni and cheese right now.

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Personality

Be more vague maybe. Like "they're racist and bigoted and awful, but they have a personality which is all I'm looking for apparently!"

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
None
Yeah! How come I never got any cool nicknames? Freshman year of college some of my friends got in the habit of calling me Lo on very rare occasions, but that never stuck. I guess my main nickname is "Roomie," which only my best friend (and freshman year roommate) calls me. But we literally don't call each other by our first names ever, so I don't know if that even counts.

67. FAVORITE SUPER POWER?
Invisiblity

Another great spelling choice

68. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOWS?
Jon and Kate Plus 8, Secret Life, What I Like About You
FAM DO YOU REMEMBER SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER? AKA AN ACTUAL TRAINWRECK? It's on Netflix instant streaming, and I urge you to watch at least the pilot. It's a teen soap opera that starred Shailene Woodley and aired on ABC Family for much longer than it should've.

69.WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR ENEMIES?
Ignore them

I'm surprised I didn't say "write a song or a poem about them"

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Mint Chocolate Chip

I got my period last week and coped by eating an entire pint of Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream, so clearly nothing has changed.

71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?
Yes

Another odd question

72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?
No

I don't so much have a computer in my room as much as I have a laptop that travels with me just about everywhere.

73. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
No

Womp womp

74. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WHEN YOU ARE OLDER?
Not really sure yet, but I want to buy my grandparents house for my summer home

That sounds lovely, but I don't see myself having the money to do that as a freelance writer.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
EVERYONE?

EVERYONE?

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
Jon and Kate Plus 8

I wasn't kidding when I said I watched Jon and Kate Plus 8 all the fucking time.

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
Milk

Ew.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Dad

...oh. (I haven't talked to my dad since summer 2014)

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Eyes

I feel like that's such an odd thing to say; we always pick out individual features, but like? You don't just notice one feature on a stranger. It's the whole face, is it not?

80. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
Play guitar

We get it, you're an artist.

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
Twilight :)

Just some more uninformed baseless hatred fueled by internalized misogyny :)

82. FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR?
Summer

Summer's so hot and sticky and awful, but yes that's still true

83. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CANDY?
Butterfinger

That sounds about right

84. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BEST FRIEND?
Yes

This is a boring question

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
Chesnut brown

Wow be more pretentious. Also another great spelling of the word "chestnut."

86. EYE COLOR?
Brown

I'm surprised I didn't come up with another bougie way of saying that.

87. SHOE SIZE?
8 or 8.5

My feet haven't grown since '09, apparently.

88. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
Tace Bell

That's gross, fam. 

89. FAVORITE RESTAURANT?
Flying Fish (sushi)

I'VE NEVER BEEN TO THAT RESTAURANT I GUARANTEE I GOOGLED "BEST SUSHI PLACES IN NORTHERN VIRGINIA" I CAN'T.

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
FAVORITE FOOD! LOVE SUSHI!

Calm down

91. WATCH TV TODAY?
Yes

Jon and Kate Plus 8, obvs.

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
August 3rd :)

My birthday :) I'm self-absorbed :) But not much as changed since :)

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS?
Bass clarinet and guitar

Oh yeah, that bass clarinet. It came in a carrying case that was genuinely larger than my body and had a mouthpiece that collected an alarming volume of spit. Hot.

94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT?
Democrat

I didn't really know why when I first wrote this, but true.

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
Hugs

How PG of me

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Relationships

This is a really weird question for a survey designed for middle schoolers

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
Shoes

I paid my electric bill #adult #mature

98. WOULD YOU EVER BE A HOUSEWIFE?
No! The court is waiting!

Ooook

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
Gone with the Wind, good book

I dead-ass maybe read 100 pages of that book, a process that took an embarrassingly long amount of time.

100. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE:
Amazing friendships and silently crushing

SILENTLY CRUSHING. SILENTLY CRUSHING. THAT'S MY NEW FAVORITE PHRASE JESUS CHRIST. Can we get that trending? #silentlycrushing

Alright guys, I hope you enjoyed reading through that. I sure did, and only wanted to light myself on fire like three times, tops. I'd love to know if you enjoyed this, because if so this is something we can do again before Blogmas is over. 

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