Monday, December 5, 2016

Blogmas Day 5: Embarrassing Things I've Done Recently

Happy Monday, everybody! I hope you're all having good starts to your week. For some reason, there's something I love about Mondays; I feel like it's a chance to start fresh again and start the week off right. I also don't have class on Mondays so I generally get to sleep in as late as I want on these days, which definitely sways my opinion. But I do usually use Mondays to get my ducks in a row, so to speak, with a lengthy to-do list and plenty of coffee. Right now I'm in-between loads of laundry, which seems like the perfect time to type up today's post.

The title is super self-explanatory, but I figured I should tell you exactly why I'm voluntarily exposing some cringe-worthy secrets for all of the internet to see. There's two reasons really: for starters, I love poking fun at myself. This is a somewhat new development in the past few years, as I was terrible at being the butt of the joke when I was a kid. I hated being teased or laughing at my own shortcomings. In fact, I remember being no older than eight years old sitting at the dinner table with my parents when this less-than-stellar characteristic of mine really came to light. My stepdad was making a joke at my expense (what's new) and I wasn't taking it well (again, what's new?), even though he wasn't cutting below the belt or saying anything that crossed the line. My mom leaned across the table and said, "You know, people like other people who can laugh at themselves." That must've struck a chord with me, because in my young adult life, I couldn't agree more. When someone does something embarrassing or dumb, it's objectively very funny. Just because I'm the one doing it doesn't change that. So that's part of the reason: I have years of being a stick in the mud little kid to catch up on. Laughing at yourself every so often is healthy, plus I think it makes for entertaining reading material.

Reason number two comes from a conversation I had with some girls in my video journalism class yesterday. We were filming a news package for class and treated ourselves to coffee after a job well done. Over espresso and girly conversation, one of my project partners admitted, "Y'know, Lauren, I was scared of you when we first got paired together...don't get me wrong, I didn't think you were mean or anything, but you just seemed so cool!" Now, as someone who was never the cool girl in school, this caught me off guard. I do think I've come into my own and developed an almost deceptive amount of confidence during my time in college, but I didn't realize the "calm, cool, and collected" facade I was making up as I went along was passable to my peers. So in honor of that, here's a secret: I'm fucking neurotic and I do embarrassing things all the time. Don't be scared of me, because I promise I'm not at all cool. At all.

Now, with all of that build-up: Embarrassing Things I've Done Recently

1) A few weeks ago, I went out to a favorite bar of mine in downtown Harrisonburg. It's a favorite because the music is good, it's not too terribly crowded, and most importantly, drinks are $3 on Thursdays. Normally it's a fun time, but this particular night ended on a sour note. I don't remember why, but I was in a mood. Now, under normal circumstances, guys grabbing at me without consent makes me angry, but add alcohol and that aforementioned mood and it's not a good time for anyone. As I was leaving the bar in a huff, a particularly forward dude grabbed me around the waist. Like, full on grabbed me, with both hands, around the waist. Without breaking a stride, I forcefully slapped his hands away, feeling like a Boss Ass Bitch. It was a really empowering moment, until two seconds later, when I slipped in a puddle of spilled liquor and watched my legs fly out from under me. I caught myself on a curtain before my ass made contact with the ground, but that didn't stop bellowing laughter and a loud "That's what you get, bitch!" from behind me. Nice.

2) I was working with a different partner for the aforementioned video journalism class about a month ago, researching potential topics for our upcoming news package. We were looking on the local news affiliate's website for inspiration, noticing a story about a couple who were experiencing vandalism on and removal of their "Trump for President" yard signs. I laughed, said "Good!", and went on with a long diatribe about how awful our now President-elect is. I mean, without even asking about her political views, I ripped into President Cheeto. The next day she came into class wearing a "Trump for President" sweatshirt. No wonder she didn't chime in on my hatred.

3) After being rear-ended (long story) I went to my school's parking services office to obtain a temporary on-campus pass for the rental car I was given. Because I had a class to get to and I know from experience how hectic the parking services office can get, I made a plan to arrive bright and early, right as the office opened at 7:30. All was going well, until the friendly receptionist asked me for my student ID number to look up my account. Totally blank. No recollection. Being a college senior, I've used that number on every online database and Scantron form for four years. But absolutely nothing was coming to mind. The woman looked at me, understandably, like I was an idiot. I made a lame joke about my brain not being fully awake before 8 am as she accessed my account using my last name, but I think she only offered a half-chuckle out of sheer courtesy.

4) I was being melodramatic about God-knows-what about two months ago, which means I was sobbing listening to Taylor Swift oldies in my car. Not even driving around listening, but parked in front my apartment in the dark, dabbing my face with Chipotle napkins. This is embarrassing enough as is, but picture this: as I was sob-screaming along to "All Too Well," Taylor's most depressing song to date, my car shut off without warning. It has a built-in timer that will turn itself off after it's been parked with the engine off for a certain amount of time, but of course that happened during the height of a hysterical episode. It was if the Chevy gods were saying "Okay girl, enough."

5) Recently (as in as of last week) I've developed an affinity for Shawn Mendes. That on its own is embarrassing enough.


On that note, I'm gonna go.

See you tomorrow!
Lauren

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