Ahh, Friends: My favorite sitcom about white people living in New York City. Much like other television programming of its time, Friends is your classic story about a handful of twenty-somethings trying to navigate work, love, and money. You have your John Hughesian tropes: the pretty rich girl, the neurotic, the stupid well-intentioned meathead, the funny one, the weirdo...and the Ross. Ross Geller is quite a special unprecedented mix of geek and entitled asshole, the latter of which I've only come to realize as an adult. And frankly I'm tired of people telling me he's "not that bad." If you want to talk semantics, yeah, I guess he's not actually the worst, but you can't tell me that if your best friend introduced him to you as the her new boyfriend you wouldn't pull her aside and try to talk some sense into her.
So with all that in mind, I present to you a very timely--not at all dated--blog post...
10 Times Ross Geller Was the WORST
1) The Obvious, Part One
I'm just going to get these out of the way first and foremost, because they're the arguments people most often go for when stating my case. The ultimate shitty Ross Geller thing, and perhaps the most iconic line even non-fans will recognize: "We were on a break!" I'm going to hold off on the cheating piece of the puzzle for a minute and backtrack so we can all really get a grasp on how awful this was: Rachel, at her first office job, has to reschedule their anniversary dinner due to a work crisis she has absolutely no control over. While a normal adult person would be sad and annoyed, they would suck it up and plan to push dinner until the weekend. Instead, Ross thinks it's appropriate to come to Rachel's office with a picnic, proceeds to nearly burn the place to the ground, and then expects Rachel to apologize. Umm? Oh, I'll just also mention he's insecure and assumes Rachel is doing it with her male coworker, but we'll get to that later. Anyway, we all know what happens next: Ross sleeps with Chloe the copy girl, Ross has Rachel over as Chloe hides behind the door, Ross runs all over town trying to cover his tracks so Rachel doesn't find out. He then proceeds, for the rest of the series, to insist that the hours-long break was justification for his actions. I'm sure someone could argue that a "break" is maybe a grey area to see other people, but we all know that wasn't what Rachel meant and this was a really crappy thing to do. And deep down I think Ross knows it, too. Moving on!
2) The Obvious, Part Two
It seems as though Ross not supporting Rachel's career is a constant, because here we are years later and he's still doing the same thing. Granted at this point they do have a child together, and it takes two to tango (or in this case, to ruin an incredible job opportunity), but who in their right mind would chase someone down to the airport and do this? I know it's a TV show and this stuff doesn't happen in real life, but that doesn't stop Ross from being the epitome of selfish. I know "I got off the plane" is supposed to be a hopelessly romantic line, and I know Rachel isn't perfect either, but girl you blew an amazing opportunity for a paleontologist.
3) Jealousy, Always
Let's ignore the fact that this GIF is cut off. I'm not a Buzzfeed writer, this format isn't my specialty. Anyway, whether it's Rachel's coworker Mark, Carol's partner Susan, Elizabeth's college friends, or any other guy that dares to breathe near one of his significant others, Ross has been served a healthy serving of jealousy. Sometime during Season 4, Phoebe points out that this stems from his first wife leaving him for another woman. That makes sense and it's totally understandable why he'd be a little insecure in future relationships, but instead of rationally voicing this as a shortcoming of his own, he works himself up and throws full on adult tantrums about it. One time his second wife Emily (Side note: remember that time he called her Rachel at the altar? Yikes.) and Susan have the audacity to attend a poetry reading together, which leads him to assume Emily is gay. Story checks out, Doctor Geller.
4) That time he hardcore policed his girlfriend's body
This is one of those things that I didn't realize was a dick move until I was an adult. Remember that time he dated one of his students? We're going to shelf that whole ordeal for the sake of this blog post's length and instead tackle just a part of the problem. His short-term girlfriend Elizabeth prepares to go on spring break and Ross, stemming from the whole jealousy thing, goes through every article of clothing in her suitcase for his seal of approval. And as if that weren't enough: SURPRISE! He just goes on the trip with her, because what's trust anyway?
5) That time he made fun of Joey for being sexually harassed
I know we weren't really having the conversation about sexual violence until very recently, but watching this episode back I was actually shocked that this was a storyline that actually got approved by many, many decision makers. Joey learns, as an adult, that the only tailor he's ever been to has been inappropriately touching him all his life, and his friends (yes, Chandler is guilty too, it's not just Ross this time) blame him! The actual line is "What's the matter with you?!" The late '90s-early 2000s was a wild time for television. I can't even place all the blame on Ross for this one, but I just needed to throw it in so someone else in this generation can be horrified with me.
6) When he wouldn't let his son play with a Barbie
I mean really, Ross, come on. Since when are you the benchmark for masculinity anyway? This is another plot point that in the grand scheme of things is pretty minor, but just adds to his douchebag repertoire. Who cares that Ben is playing with Barbie over G.I. Joe? It's a doll.
7) When he didn't understand the concept of money
This one was pretty early on, I think maybe season 1 or 2? Rachel is waitressing, Joey is acting as often as he can, and Phoebe is a massage therapist, while the rest of the gang work more traditional, "stable" jobs. While Monica and Chandler also don't understand the plight of their less financially-gifted friends, Ross is the worst offender. I mean "I guess I just never think of money as an issue"? Why not just walk around under a neon sign that reads "Privileged"? Ooph.
8) When he just had to be right about evolution
Phoebe is known to be the wacko of the bunch, and normally the rest of the gang are totally cool with that. But when she casually mentioned that she didn't believe in evolution, Ross couldn't let good enough be good enough. He insisted on bringing home fossils and charts and not letting Phoebe drop the subject until she agreed with him. I mean, yes sure, I'm sure it's frustrating when someone disagrees with a principle your career is more or less based on, but just be cool dude. This episode solidified for me the belief that Ross was totally that guy in college who cornered people at parties for disagreeing with him on the rules of flip cup.
9) When he compared being kicked in the head to childbirth
Before you run to the comments to defend his honor and explain to me the art of irony: I know. I get the comedic effect the writers were going for here, but nonetheless, what the fuck, man.
10) Rapid fire
If you couldn't already tell I'm a Friends scholar and very passionate about how much I hate Ross, but I am conscious of how long this post is getting, so I'll spare you and just throw a few more reasons at you that don't require further explanation. Kissed his best friend's mom, lied about getting an annulment because he didn't want to, lived rent free at Chandler and Joey's then asked them to chip in for his air purifiers, didn't want his daughter to have a male nanny, and was so beyond adamant about correcting other people's grammar.
So, I mean...there you have it. Think again before you tell me he's not that bad. I could go on.