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  • Writer's pictureLauren Sauer

More COVID poems!

A few months ago I wrote a collection of poems. They were all much more serious than I intended them to be, and your comments were much nicer than I was expecting. I've written a few more, but please be warned they're...much less poignant, to say the least. But please enjoy nonetheless--hopefully these come at a time when you're looking for less to chew on, anyway!

spending money poem

Calling it a pandemic feels insincere at this point

Like it should warrant some panic instead of just

wearing a piece of fabric on your face when you go to Target.

I will say I am trying my best to follow the rules,

so instead of spending money on gin and tonics someone else made

I'm spending money on new artwork for my bedroom.

I'm calling it being a grownup and taking pride in my space.

But really if I have to look at the same wall for another day

I will absolutely go off the rails, for real this time.

moving poem

Not to make myself sound oppressed

But one time I went on a date with a guy

who told me he wanted to move back in

with his parents

And not to be dramatic but I’d rather die.

But turns out they have a pool

and didn’t vote for Trump

So I guess that’s fair.

bleak poem

Last night I fell asleep reading my own tweets

and this morning I did my every day routine

of hitting "ignore" on the reminder to take vitamins

and then grinding a few tablespoons of coffee beans

white poem

White woke culture

is telling your friends

"no it's pronounced Kamala, not Kamala"

and then immediately forgetting

which one is actually correct

pop music poem

Lorde should make new music, especially now.

I can only lie facedown in memory foam

listening to years-old haunted teen angst

so many times before it starts to feel too ironic.

And along the same vein I really need my peers

to stop recommending Billie Eilish to me

because even though she, like, just turned eighteen

she seems like the type of girl who would bully me in middle school.

bleak poem pt. 2

Do you ever tap something with the pad of your index finger

before you start using it?

Like a book or a notepad or the remote control

because our little chimp brains are wired

to think everything is an iPhone?

Nothing makes me feel stupider!

Except for maybe if you're reading this

and thinking to yourself,

"No, I've absolutely never done that."


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